Monday, March 23, 2009

The Stupidest Thing I've Ever Seen

People who drink Bud Light often ask me, "Matt, why is your beer better than my beer?" And I give them a long and drawn-out answer that involves the complexities of flavor, bucking the norm, giving a shit about what I'm putting into my body, and so on. But really, it all boils down to this: I drink my beer out of a glass, and you, well...

You do stupid fucking shit like this:

Pardon my French.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Barack drinks beer at Wizards game. BURN HIM!!

Just read an interesting little blurb on BA. Apparently Barack Obama was criticized on talk radio for drinking beer at an NBA game. Let's paraphrase and deconstruct:

"The President is the president 24 hours a day. He shouldn't be drinking on the job."

First of all, if I was the President in this economy and with the state of our international affairs, you bet your sweet tuckus I'd be taking some time out to watch a game and slug a brewski. Second of all, if it's a 24-hour job, shouldn't we be criticizing him for sleeping on the job, too? Third, are we really suggesting that the President of the United States of America shouldn't ever have a beer, or any other alcoholic beverage for that matter, at any point during his tenure? Where were you, anonymous caller, when Dubya was stealing sips from Laura? Or when Bill was enjoying a post-coital refreshment? Or when Reagan gave the peace sign to sobriety?

"There are people out there struggling to keep their heads above water, and the President is relaxing, drinking a beer."

This guy has done more for this country in the first six weeks of office than I will ever do in my lifetime. I drink my share of beer. (Hic.) Obama can have one of mine. In fact, he can have one on me. I'm going to send that guy a check for $5.

Look, I'm not saying it's okay for the man to get plastered in public. But before being the President, Barack Obama is a citizen of this great country of ours. That means he's free to do things like enjoy a Bud at a sporting event just like every good American can (and should) do. Hell, if he didn't go out and do things like this, I'm not even sure I'd want the guy as my President. That's why I didn't vote for Hillary in the primaries: forget whether or not I would have a beer with the Cheif of Staff -- I'm not sure she would have a drink if I asked her!

Who are these holier-than-thous who pretend like our President isn't human? Should we criticize him for eating a roast beef sandwich when thousands upon thousands of people in this country are starving? Should we criticize him for taking off his jacket in the Oval Office when so many Americans go without heat? For smiling when so many are sad? For listening when so many are deaf? For living when so many have died? Really, what the hell are we asking of our President, if not to be one of us? We want a President to act with prudence and wisdom, to be prepared to defend his people with the very last of his strength. And if he needs to chill at a game with his buds and a Bud to recharge the batteries, I say God bless.

But next time, Mr. President, buy a better beer.

"Sam Spring" just doesn't have that ring to it

In these parts, when you go to a bar in the Winter and say to your favorite draft puller, "I'll have a Winter," he knows you mean a Sam Adams Winter Ale. And he'll pour it for you, even. Same goes for Summers and Octobers.

But Springs? I don't think in my life I've ever ordered a Sam Spring. In fact, I know I haven't. Neither have I bought one. And if I hadn't ever worked in a liquor store, I wouldn't even know that Sam Spring (more appropriately called Sam Adams White Ale) existed. Spring was that period of time between the mediocre Sam Winter and the refreshing goodness of Sam Summer -- a beer void, so to speak.

What's the point? Well, last night I had a (rather large) Sam Spring. And I ordered it just like that -- I'll have a Sam Spring. And it was pretty good, but that's not the point. The point is that I have no idea why I ordered it. I was at a sports bar with a limited selection of brews, and when I find myself in that situation, I usually go for a Sam Light or the hard stuff. But I had the kids in tow that night (kids karaoke -- which in many ways is better than adult karaoke) so the hard stuff was out. So I moseyed up to the bar and tried to order a Sam Light. But what came out was "Sam Spring."

The bartender looked at me kind of funny -- because let's face it, when you're a bartender in a sports bar, you probably don't hear many orders for white ale. And most people probably don't walk into a sports bar thinking about the great craft beer they'll be drinking. But I took the 24-oz. glass and drank it, noticing that it was the only cloudy beer in the bar, and probably the only one that was available.

So I was a bit of a beer outcast last night. But I'm kind of used to that (and I assume you are, too). It was shocking, though, to think that I was a beer outcast drinking a Sam Adams seasonal in a sports bar. That just shouldn't happen. Alas, Sam White just hasn't gained clout among the sports bar set just yet.

C'est la vie.